Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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