He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I've blown a few things in my day
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
