I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
