My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
