we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize