I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You smell like stripper and shame
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we should paint friendship bongs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
