Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
