I wish I could punch you in the face.
My hand turned me down
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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