How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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