my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
