theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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