are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
