the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
