uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
