genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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