He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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