I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
