So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So apparently I’m into choking now
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