Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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