You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
