You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
