Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
