Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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