Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
