You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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