tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
