Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
