Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
