its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
