I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
