yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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