I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
