I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
