I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
