I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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