I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
