Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
