I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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