he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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