ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
