He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
