at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize