She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
