I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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