you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
