Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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