dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
