She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
