I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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