just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
