haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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