You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
