What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
