thus making me awesome and them whores
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
