Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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