I could make wine with my vomit
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
