Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
