You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
