i already hear my dad disowning me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
