I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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