Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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