R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
