i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
