So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
