batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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