Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
