I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
