I skipped work to stalk him.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
