my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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