i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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