The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
