Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
