You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
