Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
