You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
