Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
