Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
FUCK WHALES
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
