So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
