I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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